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inclusion: making friends
Get out, get friends, get a life

everyone needs meaningful relationships. Sue deeley
and Julie Smith tell the stories of two people that
Getta Life has supported

icki Norton likes to be around opportunity for both their
children and talks easily with children and themselves to chat
Vthem. Four years ago, she went to with a person with disability.
help out at a stay and play group. She became a part of the
Staff have spoken about her contribution volunteer social group,
and how she has changed their thinking. attending coffee get-togethers
Originally, they thought it would be and Christmas meals out.
something that only she would benefit
from. Now, they recognise what she brings heila Spicer has a wide
to the group. She has developed strong circle of friends, all of Sheila Spicer celebrates friendships
relationships with the children. Swhom met through her
One boy who had always been lively and are now deeply connected. These to know her and the first two friendships
and active became much calmer and loving friendships have transformed how in her life were formed. With support, she
talked with her through playing with she sees herself – is perceived by others. hosted lunches. The friends went out for
playdough and Lego. When old enough Spicer was sent to live in an institution afternoon tea, visited the theatre and
for school, he invited her to his when she was two years old. She left shared birthday and Christmas celebrations.
childminder’s home for a leaving party. almost 50 years later. When we first met While Spicer showed her appreciation
It was notable how many children and her, she sat with her head down, rocking, of her new friends through gestures and
adults made a specific effort to find often crying and obviously very sad. smiles, the friends started to talk about
Norton and say goodbye at the end of There was no one in her life who had not what she was offering them – such as a
sessions. Adults appreciated the been paid to be there. chance to get together to share
Slowly, things began to shift experiences and hang out over good food.
– having her own home, shared New people joined the circle and she
with two people she chose, now has at least six friends. They keep in
gave her certainty. Support touch individually and meet as a group. The
from a small, consistent team times when they meet up are remarkable
of people who wanted to – there is so much love, great stories, lots of
know her helped her to trust. fun and deep concern for each other. Spicer
Spicer began to show us supports her friends. She has her own car
herself. She is warm, funny, and helps them to go shopping and attend
dignified and very gentle. She hospital appointments, and travels to see
began reaching out. one friend who has moved away.
We began to think about Below are comments by her friends:
how we could help her to
become known outside her “I am so proud to know Sheila – my
staff team. Two people were life has changed completely. I have
Vicki Norton with a furry friend asked if they would like to get made a whole new group of friends
from knowing her.”

etta Life believes that people need support, the importance of this is “If you had told me I would be friends
with severe learning disabilities often overlooked. To change this, we with someone who didn’t talk, I would
Gshould be able to live their lives need to ask: what are their gifts? What say ‘how?’ as I talk a lot. However,
in their own homes with support to brings out the best in a person? And how Sheila has a lot to say and I get a lot
realise their dreams. do we help someone gain more from being Sheila’s friend.”
This small Coventry-based experiences that draw on these?
organisation’s work is built on the Working with people’s gifts, supporting “It’s the friendship that matters most.”
principle that everyone needs meaningful them to find their purpose and build and
relationships, everyone can say what they nurture relationships is a conscious part Staff help Spicer plan how to meet her
want if people hear them and inclusion of our work. Support staff must think friends and keep in touch with each other.
in all parts of society is everyone’s right. deeply about those they support, and Their role is to support her to be a friend
Finding our role and our contribution their role in developing a culture of – not to make friendships for her. n
to the world is a big part of how we community and belonging.
discover who we are. For people who ● www.gettalifeonline.co.uk Sue Deeley and Julie Smith are founders
and directors of Getta Life

www.cl-initiatives.co.uk Community Living Vol 31 No 4 | Summer 2018 19